


Remembering Pretty

by BonTheScottishVampire97



Series: Our Dear Rogue [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Established Relationship, Established Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Racism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, M/M, Trans Vax'ildan (Critical Role), alcohol use, sad Shaun Gilmore, sorry for the feels, spoilers for Critical Role campaign 1, takes place after The Search For Grog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27819697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonTheScottishVampire97/pseuds/BonTheScottishVampire97
Summary: After Vox Machina find Gilmore in Vasselheim and tell him of his boyfriend's fate, Gilmore does his best to keep it together.Finding himself alone in his kitchen later that night, he can't help but remember and mourn.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: Our Dear Rogue [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092359
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Remembering Pretty

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this after a nightmare about Gil taking the news badly - I needed something soft but still sad to help.

"And where's the pretty one?"

It's an innocent question, just Gilmore asking after his boyfriend, but the wave of emotions that flutter across Vox Machina's faces followed by Scanlan nervously going, "I'm right here! Hi!", and then Percy sharply changing the subject has the man's gut churn.

Why were they avoiding the question?

_Where was Vax?_

Someone is talking again, Shaun doesn't care who, when the realisation hits.

Vax was gone.

_Gone._

And his face drops, that tired smile disappearing as Vex deflates and reaches an arm out to ever so lightly squeeze Gil's shoulder.

"We need to talk, Darling..." She says, her voice small.

Gilmore swallows, "I think I already have an idea on what it is you have to say."

He wasn't ready to hear it.

~~

After he gets back to Whitestone for the night, sitting down at the kitchen table of the small 4 bedroom townhouse he was sharing with Sherri, Lady Salda and her kids, Gilmore finds it hitting him properly at last.

Vax'ildan was dead.

_Properly dead._

He doesn't know what to tell Sherri and the others, his heart crushed by the news.

He was able to keep it together for the kids of Vasselheim today, but now he's alone to think it's starting to bite at him.

He has so much to think on, the dark kitchen and silent house leaving bitterness to brew and fester.

He had to help rebuild in several places, to give aid for many families across 3 big cities, above trying to help the people he had taken in during the chaos.

Salda was struggling to cope, but Sherri was helping with Gren and the girls and that helped take some weight off of Gilmore's back, but the man still did whatever he could to help out when he had some free time.

He's glad the others have already gone to bed by now, the two moons high up in the sky outside right now.

The tears flow freely down Shaun's face as his shoulders start to shake, silent sobs racking his form.

He hides his head in his hands as he cries to himself, crying for Vax and his family, crying for what could have been and for what was lost.

It hurts like fuck, Shaun thinks, to realise the light of his life was gone for good.

Vax'ildan had stumbled into his store with his obnoxious friends, him and his twin both trying to flirt up some discounts, just a few years ago - Roughly 5, the man guesses, not sure anymore.

He had fallen for the pretty little Half Elf rogue almost right away, Vax's ever shy but very friendly smile stealing his heart and running away with it once the transaction was over.

Shaun knew that it was merely for discounts in the beginning, but you'd be a fool to not see Vax slowly falling in love with Gilmore with each little interaction they had over time.

It had been hard for Vax to accept his feelings for Shaun, having had a hard time coming to accept his race, gender and sexuality, but Shaun was always very patient and understanding.

Vax's father had been quite abusive towards him for many horrid reasons, his mixed blood and transness having disgusted the High Elf Syldor Vessar.

And outside of his father, Vax's relationships with other men hadn't all been very healthy or good - Whether seen as just a punching bag or a quick and pretty fuck, Vax wasn't very well respected by strangers.

This in mind, Gilmore got it - Vax had a lot to recover from and learn before he could let himself be in love.

They had only just begun exploring their relationship more seriously after Vax was attacked by Hotis, they were still getting to grips on stuff.

Vax was barely even 28 years old and had had so much more life ahead of him before Vecna had disintegrated Vax, something which would lead to Vax making one last deal with the much despised and misunderstood Raven Queen.

Shaun weeps mutely for Vax and what could have been, cursing out everything else in the world for robbing them of their "Happy Ever After".

He cries for all of that and more, remembering Vax as he was - The pretty Half Elf boy with a heart of gold and a thousand scars.

~~

"Well, hello there, pretty one." Was the velvety words Vax was greeted with as he entered Gilmore's store.

His cheeks had flushed a soft pink, his sister pushing him forward as she and the others walked in after him.

"Hey, Gil!" Vex greets, Scanlan chiming in afterwards, Keyleth and Grog saying hello too.

"Hi, Gil..." Vax would reply, eyes soft as he admired the glorious man before him, his heart dancing in his chest.

They had just gotten back from killing some Trolls that had been terrorising a small village south of Emon.

It had been a few years now since they had met Gil and Vax was finding himself slowly melting for the beautiful shopkeeper.

"How are we today, you fine, beautiful people?" Gilmore would grin fondly and lean against the counter casually, his eyes only on Vax.

Vax would blush more under his intense but loving gaze, "Oh, after seeing your glorious face? Perfect."

~~

Gilmore lets out a faint, wet chuckle remembering that specific encounter - Vax was still so unsure of his feelings at the time, but Shaun likes to believe Vax had already begun to realise he was in love or was slowly getting there.

Maybe that's selfish, but Gil thinks he's owed a little bit of selfishness right now.

He takes a minute to catch his breath before getting up to go and get himself a wine glass and a bottle of good red - Vax's favourite red wine, specifically - before heading to his room.

He had the downstairs bedroom that sat behind the living room and next to the kitchen - Sherri, Salda, Odessa, Illiya and Gren having had taken the 3 bedrooms upstairs at his request.

He locks his bedroom door for a little privacy, closing the window shutters and spawning four magical globules of warm light.

Setting the glass and bottle aside, Gilmore strips himself of his jewelry and clothes, using prestidigitation to remove his makeup and tears before pulling on his comfiest silk pyjamas which are purple in colour.

He then makes some room for himself and sits on his room floor, pouring himself a rather generous glass of wine before casting two spells in quick succession, Leomund’s Tiny Hut and Programmed Image;

Gilmore uses his unusually strong attunement to the arcanic threads of the universe to have his little dome form smaller than usual and as a completely opaque, dark blue colour inside and out.

He despawns the other four lights that hover outside of the dome, Gilmore getting comfortable on a plush cushion of swan feathers and pink satin silk he had taken from his bed.

Projected Image then casts many glowing, golden, spectral images across the dark inner surface of the dome, showing many memories of Gilmore and Vax spending time together from over the years.

Gilmore smiles softly, drinking his pain away for tonight as he watches on.

Oh, how he wished Vax was sitting here in his lap to watch this with him, getting himself tipsy and becoming all clingy like a baby koala.

Shaun sighs, a tear rolling down his cheek as he recalls his and Vax's first kiss together after Hotis' attack.

Vax had been so scared and vulnerable that night, shaken up by the Demon who had stolen Gilmore's face to trick him and hurt him.

They had planned on doing so much more after that kiss, making many promises.

But alas, it was not fate.

No, Shaun thinks, it was not fate for them to last forever, happy, safe and together.

But nobody could take away from him what they had had.

No, not even death.

"Fly high, my little bird, and be forever glorious." Gilmore raises his glass up to the dome, taking a sip.

Setting the glass down, he closes his eyes and lets some more tears fall, "And may we be reunited again some day, forever more."


End file.
